The Spell of Ai
diary of a hillbilly
Having been raised in unrivaled abuse, my life was a mixture of turmoil and self-help. Having subjected myself to more self-help than most folks, (by far) the best that can be said of it is enabling one to talk a good game since none of it works, from my perspective.
The real learning comes early in life and the only question worth asking is: are we willing to accept the lesson?
For instance: if you are contemplating a pet that will live a long time, get yourself a duck, since we had one that lived to be 24; it only made it there until a duck-eating dog killed it. That duck was so old and featherless the dog refused to eat what it had killed, but the story made the front page of a local paper.
The Harvey Monster collected animals in an attempt to soothe his psychotic mind leaving we boys to manage them under pain and threat of force. Among these was a pair of white doves who lived happily in a cage cooing noxiously without end until one day, when one of our Boas escaped to be found in the morning half in/half out of the cage, pretty white feathers dripping from its maw. End of snake. End of cooing.
There lived among us a Chihuahua brought with Harvey obtained just after the Korean Conflict, 25yrs old before it died, an ankle biting ornery little cuss that once rescued me from a brain damaged Collie, which, while credit was due, did nothing to improve our relationship.
And monkeys: (we worked and managed a pet store) if ever you covet revenge, send a squirrel monkey (male) and your adversary’s life will from that day forward be a living hell as it will spend its days shaking its cage, shrieking obscenities and flaunting its anatomy; until gaining freedom by strangulation or ripping apart the house inhabited.
Rest assured the list is a long one and each and every living one of them was different from all the rest, like pigeons, who once singled out has little in the way of a personality but taken as a group will make you pay dearly for their captivity. And don’t be fooled by the antics of a good-sized Gander, for there has never been a more ferocious guardian, once alerted, he will not relinquish the pursuit. A Fox is not an animal to be trifled with unless you are a Gander.
Boots was a big black Tom cat who came up missing (left behind) when my real parents separated only to turn up years afterward 20miles distant and complete with missing ear and a 22cal bullet lodged in his shoulder, healed over, and much loved for it. He decided to make for better ground after being exposed to my new family.
Now, you might be tempted to doubt, when telling you that living with animals is living like animals; rest assured they are just as much decider as you are and have no intention of living like you do. A duck is a duck and will always be a duck doing duck things and so it doesn’t concern itself with your affairs, unless it suspects getting eaten. And if you are tempted to say your dog loves you…a portion of good raw beef and your dog will love me just as much, and the reason he licks you is because he likes the taste of blood. Get over it.
Food Drive is what you’re seeing when you look into those big, beautiful eyes and although it might be comforting to believe they are attached to a fury friend, any thoughts of you will be of the tasty morsel type when it comes to a carnivore. Omnivores might seem a bit more accommodating but don’t kid yourself; it might seem quaint to lie in the grass near pigs, just don’t linger too long. Chickens will eat anything, or rather everything within their reach.
It seems the most self-destructive attribute of we humans is the technology to eradicate large predators who know how to cull the sick and inferior prey, leaving the stronger, faster and wittier specimens to propagate.
The Dire Wolf and Saber Tooth Cat would go far to ease human suffering and ensure our continued survival. Nature is objective and favors no one.
Instead, we have as a group opted to turn ourselves into a special breed of predator and prey. So be it then, see to your gods. This one will go with the animals.
Love animals but respect them as well because a great majority of them come equipped with special defenses which they know how to use and will use when needed. Being kicked, bitten, scratched and clawed, flogged, spurred, stomped on and pushed to the ground are some of the many ways we can be rewarded for our affections; stung, spit upon, pissed at and pissed off only add to the wonderment of the animal kingdom. It is my privilege to share in their worlds.
Picked up a Turkey Vulture from a roadside once. After several hours getting chased out of veterinarian clinics, we were directed to a bird sanctuary. The woman there was a miracle worker with birds. “Oh”, she said, “that’s a Turkey Vulture, we call them the Stinky Bird”. Stinky Bird? “Yes, they have three defenses: first they will hiss, if that doesn’t work, they will vomit and failing that they will pooh and if either of the last two get on you just throw the clothes away”. So of course, the moment the bird was passed off was the moment it chose option three, on my shoes. “You can try washing them”, she said, “but it won’t help”. And she was 100percent spot on right!
Diary of a Hillbilly: all my life animals have been my true friends; a loner even among throngs of people my attention will always seek kindred spirits that are other than human, since their impulses are direct, their intentions well known (sometimes at our peril) and animals exhibit a level of honesty rarely expressed in the human diatribe.
Loved this, brought back memories.